By: Alan Graham
Recently I have been experiencing increased telemarketing calls for all sorts of dubious services and in particular one from a “computer virus expert.”
“ Someone who identifies himself as Cam, and bearing a pronounced Chinese accent, tells me that my computer has been infected with a “very bad virus”.
I have received the same call on many occasions. So I thought I would try something different in order to deter them from calling again.
“Do you deliver?” I asked.
“Do you deliver?” I asked again.
No. We can do it by phone”, he said, half confused.
I paused then said, “Okay! I’ll have Kung Pow Chicken and Sweet and Sour Pork.”
Now he was pausing, and I could hear him talking to someone else who was now saying to him, “What?”
Before he could answer I said, “And could I have six egg rolls too?”
He was trying to process the diabolically and deliberately confusing questions I had asked him. So I helped him along with the process by following up with, “How do I pay for this?” and then mercilessly offering a tantalizing array of opportunities for him to scam me, “Do you take Visa, American Express Gold Card, PayPal?”
He seemed so relieved and rather surprised that I had made it so easy for him, he blurted out, “GOLD CARD PREEZE”.
“ Once again, and with utter gleeful malice I asked, “How much will that be?”
He pretended to be calculating for a few moments, then said, $499.00.”
Now I paused for a few moments. Then with my best Chinese accent I said, ”Wayrra mini? Dat too mush money for chicken an poke!”
”Sure, I can get it fo twenty dorras at another Chinese restaurant.”
Somehow at the last minute, it must have dawned on him that I was pranking him. He asked me if I was Chinese, and I said , “Yes, I am. Are you?”
He paused for a long time. Then he said , “No, I am from Scotrand.
I said, “Oh! I been to Scotrand once, it was crosed”
“ He paused again, then he hung up.
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